I am not perfect, but that doesn’t mean I am a failure! No one is perfect & it is a goal that no one can reach. But, when I fail at something, there is a little voice in my head that tries to convince me that I am a failure. This inner voice can negatively impact your sense of self & self-worth.
I spent years trying to retrain my inner voice. It felt like there was another Melanie, a bad Melanie, that lived inside my head. She would tell me things that kept me down & were just mean. Evil Melanie had the habit of popping into my head at important & stressful times. The only thing I could do was try and soothe myself. I often turned to food to do that.
I began to silent her by eating. But, Evil Melanie didn’t go away, no matter how much I ate. She would even berate me for eating the wrong foods or too much food. I was getting in my own way. I allowed Evil Melanie to dictate how I felt about myself and how I treated myself. She was hurtful & negative.
The the worst of her started coming out of my mouth towards myself. It started with some jokes that berated myself. I was in control when I said mean things about myself, it wasn’t Evil Melanie anymore, but real Melanie. I realized that I wasn’t being kind to myself.
Control was a big issue here. I needed control over my inner voice, but tried to control her externally. I would do anything to shut her up.
Retraining Evil Melanie
After a long time of trying to shut her up, I realized what Evil Melanie was… my inner-voice. MY inner-voice. Focusing on the fact that that voice belongs to me & that I do not belong to her, I started to retrain that voice in my head.
Every single time that voice began to berate me, say nasty things about me, or just sounded evil, I would think about if it was something I would say to a close friend. Then, I would say (in my head), ‘you can’t talk to my friend like that.’
It took time but as I retrained my inner voice, she became supportive and motivated me to be better.
The struggle
The struggle in real & it never ends. Once that inner voice starts treating you poorly, it can pop up in your head at any time. As I have been struggling with my food addiction, my evil inner voice creeps back to tell me that I’m not worth being healthy and feeling good about myself.
But, I remember that I am worth so much more than the voice tells me I do.
My Happiness Coach 